Put the Jingle back in Your Jangle
Holidays can be a tumultuous time with expectations, preparations, and relationships. When we view events with a positive lens, it can be like a sonorous jingle. If we perceive negativity or strife, it can sound like a dissonant jangle. Here are some fail safe methods to increase your inner jingle.
Ask for Help
The holidays can feel overwhelming with to-do lists and preparations. Pivot to asking for support. What would make this week easier? What is one thing not to do, to better support myself? Pare down the list and embrace the idea of help and support. If they say no, I dare you to come up with meeting your needs in a different way! Phone a friend and brainstorm 5 other ways of getting that accomplished.
Focus on Intention
When we are in a conversation that feels yucky, take a moment to re-orient. Is this harming or non-harming? Non-harming can be complaining or a non-shared interest. It is a conversation that you don’t want to listen to and does not hurt another. This is a great moment to think of a value. I value connection. I will seek to understand and connect with the speaker. Holding a value like love, compassion, or kindness can ground us to a higher intention.
On the other hand, harming speech uses hatred or judgement that hurts another. Try to pivot to direct kindness. “I don’t feel comfortable with what you are saying.” Seek first to understand. “How did you form this belief?” After listening, you can ask to share your differing thought. The way to connect in differences is to share your intention. “My intention is to connect with you today. Tell me about you this year. What were your highlights? I care to know you.”
Pivot perfection to being a whole person. Presence is a beautiful gift to bring to your holiday party. Feel grounded by offering your mind rest in your values. Connection, Kindness, Love, Joy are all great re-sets of your mind. Curiosity about what is happening in the moment can be a way to meet what is without having to change it. What do I want to remember from today? Nothing is perfect all the time but there are moments that feel just right. Focus on those gifts for the most jingle in your holiday.
For many of us, we are seeing loved ones for the first time in a long time. That is true for my family and the arrival of Robert’s mom, sister, and niece. Before they came, I was hoping for the cleanest house and the comfiest stay for them. My dear friend said, “Laura, they are visiting you not your house. They want Laura.” My focus is on loving them with time of connection. I am so overjoyed that they are here and want them to feel that love and appreciation. My jingle is being me. This frees me up to focus on all the ways I want to honor them.
Multi generations are experiencing different challenges and joys in this world we live in. Tracking the conversation when trying to understand a person’s experience can feel confusing. How do I participate in the conversation when I don’t feel I fully understand it? My college kids are talking about subjects and using words I have never heard. I try to say back what I think they are talking about and ask if I got it right. This gives me a hand hold of understanding to seek learning more. People appreciate being understood. It’s a simple jingle but saying back what you understood in your own words lets the speaker know the listener cares and wishes to understand.
My final thoughts for the holidays are Peace, Love and Joy:
Be peace and create a sanctuary of inclusion.
Seek and offer love this holiday season. Love is the greatest guiding light.
Look for joy. Listen for joy. Speak with joy. It is contagious.