Getting past our own frame of mind takes some re-thinking and re-wiring. Shifting behaviors does not feel natural because autopilot is so much easier and more comfortable. We know autopilot. It is safe, easy, and predictable. But hold on a minute. Really think about what you want here. Communicating what you want, and the reasons you want it, is not always straightforward. One avenue to open up a conversation is the idea of a continuous line. Use it anywhere and with anyone to neutralize what is at the heart of the issue.
"The only way to meet in the middle is to find out where you are standing in the first place. What’s my view? What’s your view? With compassion and understanding, we can be curious where each of us landed."
A common argument is about money. But really it isn’t about money. Money is just a tool. The argument is really about safety and security vs. fun and enjoyment.
Safety and Security <-------> Fun and Enjoyment
Where do each of you fall on this line? (Note that this line can be as long or as short as you want it to be). What does that point feel like and represent for you? When it comes to money and relationships, it can be helpful to talk about where you are at on the line. No one is right or wrong. It is about preferences. It can be tricky to break down the components of how someone feels about money. This is great information to bring to any relationship for better understanding of what your loved one’s perspective is. What pokes at safety and security? How can you honor fun and enjoyment?
Here are some other lines of continuum. Think about what argument they could apply to and then think about where you fall on the line:
Emotional Connection <-------> Pleasure and Enjoyment
Respect <-------> Support
To Relax <-------> To Achieve
Accomplishment <-------> Appreciation
This is one of the easiest ways unpack an argument. Make a great team by standing shoulder to shoulder about the topic. Co-create an atmosphere of teamwork and joy. Want to get to the heart of an issue together? Try using a continuum to discuss where you both are at. There is NO WRONG ANSWER HERE. This is just information. Everyone falls on the line somewhere that illustrates how they think and feel.
Namaste,
Laure